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Sweet Emotions: Choose Your Words and Phrases Wisely

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Logic makes you think, emotions make you act. You’ve heard this before, right? But you know what you haven’t heard? Someone telling you how to leverage emotions.

Until now.

The language you use and the phrases you choose can help you stir emotions of the person you’re trying to persuade. One way to create an emotional response is by using adjectives in your persuasive conversations.

Relax: I’m not going to go all “Schoolhouse Rock”  on you, but here are some great examples you can use to punch up your language.

• Adjectives can be absolute, comparative or superlative.

Good, better or best. Caution: Don’t overuse superlatives. A few add impact; using them a lot blunts their effect and erodes your credibility. Because not everything can be the best and the most.

“The Basic package is good. The Open Road is better. The Enthusiast is better still. But the Legendary is the best — and most comprehensive — package we offer. That’s where we should start.” 

Notice how this builds anticipation (a fundamental emotion) and finally joy at reaching the summit of your offering.

(Note that I don’t say the biggest, most expensive package is also the most popular. It makes consumers suspicious when your most expensive is also — curiously enough — your most popular. If it’s true, fine. But otherwise, avoid it.)

• Turn nouns and verbs into adjectives by adding an ending.

Try “-ic” or “-ish” or “-ary” or “-est,” as in “Our savviest customers typically put 20 to 25 percent down.”

Savvy is an adjective, but what’s really great about it for this example is that it also is aspirational. Everyone wants to be savvy.

• Add an adjective to a noun.

Understand that — when working with you — your target will make important decisions. “Decision” is a noun; “decide” is a verb. So add an adjective in front of that “decision.”

– A big  decision.
– A critical  decision
– A crucial  decision.
– Afar‐reaching  decision.
– A significant  decision.

“Picking the coverage for your Harley‐Davidson experience is a significant decision, and I want to make sure you have all the facts.”

Another variation involves stressing to your target that they are making not only important decisions, but also informeddecisions. Your role is really to educate others to help them make the best decision possible. Here are some variations:

– We want you to make a knowledgeable decision.
– We want you to make an educated decision.
– We want you to make a wise decision.
– We want you to make an enlightened decision.

“Picking the coverage for your Harley‐Davidson experience is crucial, and I want to make sure you have all the facts so you can make an informed decision.”

Note: It can also be helpful to identify decisions as “responsible” or even “irresponsible”:

– The responsible thing to do is consider and plan for these possibilities.
– It would be irresponsible not to consider these possibilities.

These descriptors amplify the importance of the decision and subsequently the significance of your advice. This goes a long way toward creating a trusting relationship.

Similarly, when talking about decisions that involve an element of risk, make your language more interesting by trying some of these variations:

– It’s about diminishing risk.
– It’s about lowering risk.
– It’s about decreasing risk.
– It’s about downsizing your risk.
– It’s about paring down your risk.

“Having peace of mind is all about diminishing risk. And that’s why I’d like to talk to you about the Harley‐Davidson Guaranteed Asset Protection program.”

Fear — specifically fear of loss — is probably the most powerful human emotion. We are much more influenced to act (or not) by fearing what we might lose, rather than what we have to gain.

I consider language to be of crucial importance to your persuasion success. The words you use and the phrases that you choose have a huge bearing on what others think, say and do.

Give these ideas a try immediately.

Will Your Persuasion Priority Enhance Your Professional Skills?

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In a previous post, I wrote about the importance of determining if your persuasion priority is really a priority.

Remember that your persuasion priority must be specific, significant and meaningful to you and your organization, and realistic enough to be attainable. It also must be set with others in mind, because if you can help them get what they want, you’ll ultimately get what you want.

If you pursue your persuasion priority, be sure to ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Will it improve your communication skills — such as writing a compelling email, facilitating a brainstorming session or making an executive presentation?
  2. Does achieving your persuasion priority add to your actual or abstract organizational abilities?
  3. Might it help you build relationships, hone your problem-solving talents or sharpen your decision-making abilities?
  4. Will it help you attain mental toughness to compartmentalize a challenge and put it off for later while you work on other more time-sensitive issues?
  5. Will it increase your negotiation skills?
  6. Does it require you to consider more carefully your proficiency at work-life balance?

All of these potential improvements can be considered more qualitative than quantitative financial gains. 

Breaking Down Your Skills

Keep in mind that the fastest way to achieve competency in a skill is to break that skill down into its various components. 

Far too many people think far too broadly when it comes to analyzing a skill. Take the ability to make an executive presentation, which some might categorize sweepingly as  “presentation skills.” That’s a mistake. 

Making a presentation involves researching your topic and your audience’s perspectives on the topic, as well as blending third-party expertise with your own insights. Then you need to develop your content: the opening, a middle section, examples, anticipation of questions, response preparation and even a recovery plan for gaffes or an unexpected comment. Then comes the creation of an effective closer that leaves your audience thinking, knowing or doing something different. Each of these components in and of themselves could be considered a skill set.

These skill sets might come easier to some people than others, but just because you struggle to achieve competency doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue a given skill — or a given persuasion priority.

Here’s Why (and How) You Should Ask Irrational Questions

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Sales success requires confidence. One surefire way to be more confident in persuasion situations — which, let’s admit it, often involve selling something — is to provide high-quality options, and you can do this through the use of irrational questions.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I first learned of this approach from the incredibly intelligent and innovative New York Times bestselling author Daniel Pink. (He’s a very bright person who also happened to endorse my latest book!)

Regular readers will know that my approach to handling objections is to take two shots and then salute. Of course, the challenge is to always have an approach you can use for your second shot. Irrational questions are a perfect second shot.

Let’s say, for example, I’m speaking with a customer about the Harley-Davidson Planned Maintenance program and they “take a pass.”

I might say, “Fair enough. Don’t say yes, don’t say no, just be willing to hear me out for a moment before you make your final decision, okay?”

Customer: Okay. (This is my first small agreement.)

Me: May I ask you a question? (This is a permission question, which softens your approach and which people almost always say yes to … because they’re curious about what you’re going to ask.)

Customer: Sure. (My second small agreement.)

Me: If you were to rate the Harley-Davidson Planned Maintenance program on a scale of one to 10 — one meaning that it’s absolutely worthless and 10 meaning it’s better than cold beer, what number would you use?

Customer: Well I’d probably rate it a 3 or 4. (This is now my third agreement. They are willing to rate the program and participate in the conversation.)

Me: May I ask you another question? (This one is up to your discretion. Permission questions are powerful, but a strength overdone is a weakness; use your judgement on this one.)

Customer: Of course.

Me: Why didn’t you rate it lower? (Here is where you will get a moment of stunned silence. This is the irrational question. Your prospect is not expecting that question. And when you get stunned silence, you have regained control of the conversation.)

Customer: Well, it does have the free pick-up and delivery. And I guess I do like the wash and wax. Boy, the more I think about it, the fast turnaround guarantee is pretty appealing …

What’s happening here? Your customer is talking himself into buying the plan!

The best thing about using irrational questions as a second shot is that you can apply them to anything!

But what if the customer rates the topic in question at a 1 or a zero? Then shake it off, move on to what’s next, and live to fight — and persuade — another day.

Sharpen Your Persuasive Edge; Use a Chiasmus

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Hearing “yes” in any type of situation — with colleagues and customers — is largely about appealing to the other person’s enlightened self-interest. One of my favorite ways to effectively do that is through the use of language, specifically a figure of speech called “chiasmus” [kahy-az-muhs].

A chiasmus is a verbal pattern in which the second half of a phrase is balanced against the first, with key elements being reversed. While you may not be familiar with the term, chances are you’ve encountered it.

For example, even the most challenged high school U.S. history student has more than likely heard references to John F. Kennedy’s iconic 1961 inaugural address: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

Or, if you’re a fan of advertising jingles, there’s this one: “I am stuck on Band-Aid, ’cause Band-Aid’s stuck on me.” (Not as profound as JFK, but memorable nonetheless.)

And, of course, there’s “Live to ride, ride to live.”

Want to improve the likelihood of a co-worker getting on board with your initiative? Use a chiasmus:

“Steve, it isn’t so much what you can do for this project – although that’s substantial. You really need to consider what the project can do for you.”

That approach is so effective, because you’re really “selling” transformation. You’re showing Steve how, by participating in an initiative, he’s actually signing up for an improved skill set, greater visibility in the company and perhaps a starring role in a career-making project.

In a sales situation, a customer might be considering ways in which he can trick out a new ride. If that’s the case, try out this chiasmus:

“It’s not what you can do to this motorcycle; it’s what this motorcycle can do to you.” 

These figures of speech work because they appeal to the other person’s enlightened self-interest – potentially creating a more open-minded buyer or a more skilled and more respected colleague.

The sooner you wrap you head around this concept, the better off you’ll be.

How to Make the Two Primary Roles of Persuasion Work for You

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To understand what persuasion can do for you and your career, you must understand the two fundamental roles of persuasion. 

The first involves getting someone to say “yes” to your offer or request — to buy your product, agree to your idea or take you up on your suggestion. Persuasion helps you get someone to willingly do something. You may want that person to:

  • Approve a higher headcount: “Will you sign off on my four new field sales positions?”
  • Enter into a business relationship: “Do we have a deal?”
  • Support your initiative: Will you back my proposal at the board meeting?”

The second role of persuasion — and one that many people overlook — is getting someone to not
do something, to dissuade them from taking action you feel might be harmful, such as using a particular supplier or launching a particular product. For example:   

  • Do not go ahead with a new business partnership: “That firm is just bouncing back from bankruptcy; do you think we should partner with it?”
  • Discontinue, or at least rethink, an existing initiative: “Our East Coast teams aren’t seeing much client interest.”
  • Change a decision, or at least continue due diligence: “Do you truly think he is the right person for the job? If we keep looking, we might be able to find a better fit.”

Law enforcement officers in some cities use the power of dissuasion very effectively. When bicycle thefts are widespread, for example, they employ a special task force to use GPS-tagged bait bikes to catch would-be thieves, which forces small-time criminals to ask themselves one significant question before they steal: Is this a bait bike? 

If you’re going to thrive in the eat-or-be-eaten contemporary workplace, you must be able to effectively use both roles. Doing so will provide you with a competitive advantage, because your competitors are more than likely not focusing on their own persuasion skills.

But you are.

7 Ways You Can ‘See’ Trust

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Some people say you can’t see trust. I say you can. 

How can you tell if you’re making headway with your persuasion target in such areas as trust and credibility? By consistently observing your target’s actions — or inactions — to determine the degree to which you’re winning over the other person.

Here are seven pieces of evidence of things unseen:

1. Your target volunteers information that is not requested. “You’ll also need this, which is a study done a year ago. Not many people are familiar with it, but it’s exactly what you’ll need.” If your target didn’t trust you, you’d never see that report.

2. Your target shares humor. “Just to show you how my day is going: I had a lunch meeting and went to the wrong restaurant. And I was the guy who made the reservation!”  A comment like that reveals that the target is willing to let down his guard with you.

3. Your target accepts pushback and contrary views. “I see your point. I hadn’t thought of the impact on our European operations. I’ll have to consider that.” This means your target is willing to consider different perspectives. On the other hand, when someone says, “I’ll keep that in mind,” he’s blowing you off. 

4. Your target requests advice. “What’s your take on the new sales promotion?” If the target didn’t trust you or find you credible, she wouldn’t ask for your opinion. 

5. Your target shares confidentiality. “The news hasn’t been released yet, but the head of R&D has been selected.” This individual knows you can be trusted. Don’t prove him wrong. 

6. Your target meets deadlines and respects financial limitations. When someone comes in on time and under budget, that means he respects you. Remember, once is an event, twice might be a coincidence, and three times is a trend.

7. Your target provides friendly follow up and continuing contact. Trusted colleagues stay in touch. Can you hear me now?

The next time you’re not sure someone trusts you, think again.

Don’t Be a Fool When Seeking Persuasion Success

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The best way to minimize the likelihood of taking a foolish persuasion risk is to ask questions first and seek agreement later.

Like this:

“What’s your view on the new ad campaign?”

“In your opinion, are new research protocols available that can accelerate the time to market?”

“What’s your take on my performance?”

“What’s your position on the new project?”

You’ll notice that these questions all share a common theme: They ask the target for their opinion, but they don’t ask for a commitment. Commitments are threatening; they require a line to be drawn and force a decision.

People are reluctant to make commitments quickly. On the other hand, opinions are easy to make and quickly shared. If you ask others for their opinions first, you will receive important clarifying information about your target’s thinking processes and be able to minimize the odds of hearing “no.”

Everybody has an opinion, and most people are willing to share them. If you ask me for my opinion, I can’t help but like you more. It’s as immutable as the law of gravity.

Provide an ‘A-ha’ Moment for Greater Persuasion Success

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One of the surest ways to remain in control of a persuasion situation is to provide your target with a moment in which he scratches his head and says, “That’s an intriguing idea. I’ve never thought of it like that.”

A-ha.

All of a sudden, you’re adding value to the conversation. You’re enabling someone to learn something he didn’t know before speaking with you. This is a major component of persuasion success. So practice engineering those “a-ha” moments with a series of “what if” questions. This type of inquiry allows you and your target to suspend reality and consider the possibilities.

B2B questions might include:

  • What if you expanded internationally?
  • What if you had lower volume, but higher profitability?
  • What if your salespeople were relieved of their administrative duties?
  • What if you reduced your advertising budget and increased your sales force?

B2C questions might include:

  • What if you could have the new model, and not see any increase in your monthly payment?
  • What if we came to you, and you never had to leave your home or office to do business with us?
  • What if we could assure you that you would always have someone to call if you need assistance?

It’s easy to come up with “what if” questions, based on the circumstances surrounding your target. Such thought-provoking inquiries challenge a buyer’s conventional wisdom. If you can identify sacred cows and change the way someone thinks about them, both of you may be leading those cows to the slaughter. (And that’s a good thing.) There’s no need to be rude or unreasonably abrupt, but don’t be afraid to take a risk and challenge convention.

After the “what if” questions, the next-best way to challenge convention is to simply ask, “Why?” Why does your target distribute products the way it does? Why is customer feedback considered so important – or, conversely, not at all? Why are sales efforts concentrated only in certain areas?

Help provide moments of clarity — and then watch your persuasion success factor increase.

Losing Control of Your Persuasion Case? Find Something Positive to Take Away

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Staring straight ahead, firmly gripping the wheel, the driver fixated on the snowy road in front of him. His jaw clenched, he steadily — subconsciously, perhaps — pressed harder on the gas pedal as he and his vehicle pushed onward through the driving snow. But he wasn’t thinking about the road; instead, the driver’s mind was on everything else: his job, his finances, tomorrow’s schedule.

Then, as a toy car is at the mercy of a child’s hands, his vehicle began to hydroplane, sending it into three terrifying 360-degree spins before finally smashing into the snow-covered median. Heart pounding, eyes wide open and still gripping the steering wheel, the driver quickly and repeatedly thanked his Creator, and vowed from that moment forward to be more in control behind the wheel.

That driver was me.

If you’ve ever lost control while driving, as I did that frightful winter night, you know how harrowing the experience can be. Losing control can happen so fast, and for so many reasons: driver inattention, road conditions, other motorists’ actions. But to arrive safely at a given destination, you must either be able to retain focus or be skilled enough to drive through any type of conditions.

And so it goes with so many other aspects our lives: relationships, sales and, yes, persuasion. Hopefully your persuasion situations don’t involve live-or-die scenarios (even though at times they may feel that way). Remember, each persuasion attempt can be valuable, even if you ultimately don’t hear “yes.”

Find something positive to take away from each one, and I bet you’ll wind up hearing “no” less frequently.

Persuasion Power: Building a Strong Business Case

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Building your business case can achieve skyrocketing persuasion results.

It all begins with such quantitative actions as doing due diligence, then measuring return on investment and knowing how much you need to sell. Then, you must create positive emotional links.

Finally, put everything together to create both real and hypothetical case studies to make your point. To best convince others that your business case is relevant and powerful, consider these six techniques:

1. Draw from other industries.

Demonstrate how and when your idea has worked elsewhere and why it’s likely to work in this situation. In other words, show precedence.

2. Provide relevant examples.

They should that either support why quick action is necessary or why a more measured approach is appropriate.

3. Create “positional critical mass.”

This means that you’ve focused your early arguments on the movers and shakers — people who can champion your cause and best rally support. It also helps when formal (hierarchical) and informal (popular colleagues) individuals support the position you espouse.

4. Cite and utilize experts (living and deceased).

They can be leveraged to help cut through uncertainty. If I were attempting to persuade about technology, I’d likely cite Walt Mossberg, former Wall Street Journal columnist and co-founder of the AllThingsD, Recode, D & Code Conferences. But if my persuasion priority involved organizational strategy, I’d reference the late management consultant Peter Drucker.

5. Provide validation and verification.

Citing the right metrics (quantitative help) will justify and validate your persuasion priority. For example, if you have 20 percent more clients six months from now than you do today, you’ll know your organization’s referral initiative will have been successful.

6. Argue against yourself.

People routinely write books on both sides of an issue. Academic debating requires the ability to take either side of an issue and prove or disprove it. Make the anticipated arguments against your own case and rebut them, so that you’re prepared for the crucible.

Remember: There are quantitative and qualitative aspects to any persuasive argument. Not only can’t you afford to omit either dynamic, but you must appreciate the supporting role they play for each other.

Mastering that synthesis is the key to becoming a powerful persuader.