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The Role Emotions Play in Persuasion Success

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More than 400 words exist in the English language to describe “emotion.” In fact, neurologists have even identified distinctions between emotions (the automatic brain response) and feelings (the subjective way we interpret those emotions).

Depending on how thinly you’d like to slice the topic, you could literally list dozens of human emotions — from acceptance, affection and aggression to pity, pleasure and pride to shame, suffering and sympathy. And of course, there are degrees of emotions that measure the intensity level of any particular emotion.

To simplify things, let’s consider that there are three categories of emotions: positive (hope, love, satisfaction), neutral (acceptance, detached, unenthusiastic) and negative (anxiety, frustration, loneliness).

Now it’s time to get strategic and purposeful about how you use emotions in the act of persuading. What emotions could you create? What emotions should you create, so that you can do the right thing for all involved?

Here are my seven emotional objectives to consider when building your case to persuade — or dissuade.

  1. Provoke, by causing a reaction, especially an angry one.
  2. Inspire, by giving people a particular feeling, often positive.
  3. Invoke, by enabling someone to see a particular image in his or her mind.
  4. Awaken, to make someone experience a new feeling or emotion.
  5. Arouse, to create an emotion, especially one that excites.
  6. Touch, to create a sad or sympathetic emotion.
  7. Ignite, to jump-start a particular feeling.

Building one or more of these ideas into your business case will materially improve your chances of yes success.

How Using Facts and Figures the Right Way Can Make You More Persuasive

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Some sales professionals believe that buyers no longer care about facts and figures, so they suggest sellers avoid using them.

This is nonsense.

That said, some buyers will be more interested in such details than others. Some motorcycle buyers, for example, want to know every last detail — down to how the paint is applied and what materials are contained within the seat cushion; others just want results. The information they want and how they want it delivered is often referred to as “idiosyncratic information and communication style.”

Do they want an overview of the facts, or do they want all the details? Do they prefer email or a phone call? As a general rule, statistics, facts and figures — when used judiciously — are excellent nuggets to include in your persuasive efforts.

While participating in a consulting workshop, a colleague named Bill Corbett introduced himself to the group. He stated that he was a drug-and-alcohol rehabilitation mentor from Loveland, Colo., who works with individuals and organizations across the world to help improve recovery success. He revealed that in the world of drug-and-alcohol abuse intervention, a single-digit success rate is not uncommon. His clients, however, enjoy an 85 percent recovery-success rate. I still can hear the gasps that filled the room when he said that – in part because of this incredible substantiation and validation of Corbett’s approaches, and partly because the rest of us no doubt wished we had such a compelling value proposition.

This is a perfect example of how the confident and well-placed use of numbers can make a mighty impact on your audience. Statistics, figures, and other types of numerical representations are typically used one of two ways:

  1. To prove a result, as in the Bill Corbett example above
  2. To merely describe a fact, such as how paint is applied to a Harley-Davidson Road King

In either application, numbers prove to be extremely valuable – dramatically (and almost instantly) increasing the credibility of both you and whatever you’re offering. You certainly don’t want to overwhelm people with facts and stats. But like the subtle accent in a painting or the perfect flatted-third note in a thick blues song, when used sensibly, facts and stats add that special touch to create something memorable.

They might even help you hear “yes” faster.

Photo by Lorenzo Cafaro from Pexels

Are You Ethical in Your Persuasion Situations?

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If the means are ethical and the ends are ethical, then you’re obviously operating in an ethical manner when it comes to your persuasion attempts. In other words, if — by pursuing your persuasion priority — good things will happen for your target, your company and you, why not?

If your means are unethical and your ends are unethical — perhaps you fabricated vendor research to steer your company to an unqualified supplier because said supplier gave you Super Bowl tickets — then you’ve transformed into a slimy character worthy of The Wolf of Wall Street status.

The dilemma occurs when the ends are ethical, but the means are not.

Consider stealth marketing. For a well-publicized covert marketing campaign initiated by a leading telecommunications company several years ago promoting its new camera phone, the company hired 60 actors to pose as travelers in 10 different cities and asked passersby to take their picture. Upon handing a chosen individual the new phone, the actors then casually pointed out how to use the phone and subtly mentioned some of its most impressive features, effectively giving a soft sales pitch. Marketers stressed that they wanted the exchange to feel natural.

Is this an example of an ethical means to an ethical end?

Ethical Guidelines

To paraphrase the late corporate performance expert Joel DeLuca, “If they knew what you were trying to do, would they let you?” The “they” in the above example is the targeted buyer (not the company’s competitors). So if your target knew you were trying to get the best reaction possible to your product, and that meant engaging in a so-called “natural” exchange on the street, would your target still play along? Yes, probably.

But if you need to think about it twice, run the scenario through your head again.

In his book, To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, Daniel Pink offers a powerful rule of thumb for always operating ethically: Treat everyone as you would your grandmother.

Persuasion Success: Identifying Personality Differences

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In their timeless book, Personal Styles & Effective Performance, David W. Merrill and Roger H. Reid explain that all people have a particular social style created by the conclusions others draw about them and based on what they do and say. The very definition of “behavior” is “what we say and do, and how we say and do it.”

Many behavioral preferences developed when we were young, in our desire to avoid tension and seek comfort. Thus, people don’t change their behavior as much they change their circumstances, just like a chameleon. When you can accurately assess another person’s behavioral preferences, you’re able to predict how he or she will respond in certain circumstances. For example, when your colleague receives a critique, does he redouble his efforts to prove the critic wrong? Or does he argue and rationalize his position? Chances are good that whatever the resulting behavior is, it’s typical of that person.

On the other hand, a person who behaves assertively can assist you in your persuasion efforts, a level-headed co-worker can help you sort through the clutter of your ask and the office peacemaker can negotiate differences and provide a supportive pep talk.

Merrill and Reid suggest that three measures of personality exist: assertiveness, responsiveness and versatility. Our concern here is assertiveness and responsiveness.

Assertiveness measures how forceful a person is in his approach: Does he ask or does he tell?

Responsiveness is the emotional dimension of personality: Does she express her feelings or are they contained?

Four Social Styles

Merrill and Reid developed four social styles based on assertiveness and responsiveness: Driving, Expressive, Amiable, and Analytical.

Driving Behavior

“Results.” “Action.” “Get it done now.” These terms describe people, ahem, driven by driving behavior. They are fast decision-makers and work best with those who respond in kind and move just as quickly. Driving personalities seek power and autonomy via facts and information. If these people encounter a roadblock, they will go through it and not around it.

Expressive Behavior

“Communicative” and “competitive” best describe expressive behavior. These individuals freely talk about their thoughts and emotions, and like to involve others. They don’t like to surround themselves with competitors, and they crave personal recognition. Like Drivers, Expressives act quickly. Their primary concern is the future, and they’ve been known to change direction midstream, demonstrating impatience. Expressives heavily weigh personal opinions — theirs and select others — when making decisions.

Amiable Behavior

Relationships and cooperation are important to Amiables. They are warm, likable and even prone to sentimentality. They have a tendency to take things personally, power doesn’t interest them and acceptance is paramount. Often slow movers, they will talk and consider decisions carefully with their confidants before saying “yes” or “no.” Amiables seek to minimize risk at all costs.

Analytical Behavior

Show me the logic. Show me the principles. Show me the data. Show me the objective third-party analysis. Analyticals want to know not only if something works, but how and why and who says. Others may see them as lacking energy or aloof, but don’t be fooled: They are using their energy for mental processing and consideration of all angles of a given topic. Analyticals don’t make friends easily or quickly, but once they do, relationships are important. Like Amiables, they avoid risk, because their desire to be right is almost all consuming.

Adapting Your Social Style for Agreement

How can you use the above information to hear “yes” more often? Cater to the other person’s preferences. Don’t treat others the way you would like to be treated; treat them the way they want to be treated.

  • Don’t small talk a Driver. Also: Share facts, not feelings, and use concision to get the decision.
  • Make the Expressive the star. Also: Resonate fun and high energy, and allow for digressions and stories.
  • Form bonds with Amiables. Also: Take a personal interest in them, and ask for their opinion.
  • Bring out your research arsenal for Analytics. Also: Use unqualified expert opinions, and leave no question unanswered.

The real challenge comes when your personality style matches that of your persuasion target. You’d think this would be a match made in heaven, but it isn’t.

A Driver working to persuade a Driver needs to not only move quickly but double-check the details.

An Expressive convincing an Expressive must be friendly and receptive while continuing to nudge the target toward the objective.

A pair of Amiables will require lots and lots of coffee.

And if you’re an Analytic attempting to persuade an Analytic, prepare for an exploration of the subatomic particles of your persuasion priority.

Identifying and catering to personality traits are key to when — and whether — you hear “yes.”

Persuasion Success: How to Appeal to Different Age Groups

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“What’s Omaha Beach?”

The twentysomething looked at me expectantly. I frequently tell people that not every persuasion priority should be as difficult as taking Omaha Beach. I’ve said it thousands of times. But this was a first. I realized I had crossed into The Twilight Zone. (Wait, this guy wouldn’t know that reference, either!)

Yes, it seems that a mention of World War II’s D-Day no longer resonates with my audiences. I’ve adjusted my presentations accordingly, which is what you’ll need to do in your persuasion efforts. Whether you are in the cohort known as “Mature” or the one called “Millennial,” it doesn’t matter what your frame of reference is. You need to know your target’s frame of reference.

Although the names and date ranges fluctuate among experts, here are some common generation parameters:

  • Matures were born between 1909 and 1945.
  • Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964.
  • Xers were born between 1965 and 1981.
  • Millennials were born between 1982 and 1996 (and later, according to some observers).

Rocking the Ages: The Yankelovich Report on Generational Marketing summarizes  some of the key differences among age groups exceptionally well.

• Matures often are described as both the Silent Generation and the Greatest Generation, as they are defined by the idea of answering a call to duty. They celebrated victory after hard-fought battles (like the one waged on Omaha Beach) and needed to be team players. Education to Matures was a privilege. Living example: Betty White

• For Boomers, individuality reigned supreme. Youth was valued and self-absorption rampant. They were rewarded because they deserved it, and leisure was the primary reason for living.  Education was an entitlement, “now” is more important than “later” and money is meant to be spent. Living examples: Bill Gates, Demi Moore, and Jerry Seinfeld.

• For Xers, success usually means two jobs. And if you really want to get ahead in the world, you must be an entrepreneur. After all, “the man” exists to bring you down. Mention a “program” to Xers, and they’ll wonder if you’re referring to Microsoft Word or Outlook Express. Living examples: Jennifer Aniston and David Beckham.

• Millennials grew up in what some call the “era of the child.” Where in previous generations children were seen and not heard, this generation of kids was put on a pedestal. They typically work well with friends and on teams because they grew up with play dates and other organized social outings. They believe everyone should be rewarded for their efforts and do something not because the boss said so but because it makes sense. Millennials often are called “digital natives” because they are members of the first generation to not know what it’s like to live without the Internet. Living examples: Mark Zuckerberg, LeBron James and Kate Upton.

One generation always seems to like to mock the others. Matures pick on Boomers. Boomers make fun of Xers, and everyone snipes at Millennials. It’s like living in Wisconsin and making fun of people from Illinois. Easy.

Here are the decision-making triggers that drive each generation to act:

  • Matures: It’s the right thing to do.
  • Boomers: It feels good.
  • Xers: You’ll get ahead if you do it.
  • Millennials: It’s just smart to do.

You can learn the age of your targets by asking where and when they went to high school. (I can work that into just about any conversation.) After you receive the answers, tuck that info away for a future generationally appropriate reference. Here are some examples:

  • Class of 1970s: “Man, that idea is going to be the Sony Walkman of your industry.”
  • Class of 1980s: “This project is going to make you look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.”
  • Class of 1990s: “This idea could be bigger than Nirvana.”
  • Class of 2000s: “It’s important we keep the new product under wraps until the introduction. We don’t want to be accused of spreading fake news.”

Of course, these examples won’t always resonate, but when they do, you’ll see a spark in your target’s eye. Besides, you don’t have to be a 1994 grad to understand the Nirvana reference.

Generational differences matter. One Harley-Davidson dealer I know casually asks customers during their purchase experience for the name of their favorite song in high school. Then when the customer takes delivery of the motorcycle, guess what song is booming through the store’s sound system? The music creates strong, positive feelings about the experience and improves the dealership’s customer satisfaction scores.

Just remember: Every generation has a different frame of reference. For example, to Millennials, a “45” has always been a gun and never a record, and Elton John was never a rock star.

How to Set Your Persuasion Priority

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Let’s consider your career. If, in your professional endeavors, you could flick a switch and convince one person to do just one thing, what would that be?

Do you want to get the cool assignment? Bring a new product to market? Overhaul the customer service department? Win the promotion? Land a big-name client? Secure a budget increase? Each of these is what I call a “persuasion priority.”

Once you’ve determined the answer to that question, ask yourself this question: Who is the one person you want to say yes to what?

(When setting persuasion priorities, it’s often more effective to state them in the affirmative, even if you’re attempting to dissuade someone. For example, if you want your target to not choose a particular vendor, phrase your priority in the affirmative: “I would like Steve to weigh other options before choosing his vendor.”)

Before you answer the above persuasion priority question, consider the four persuasion priority criteria. Your persuasion priority must be:

  • Meaningful: Important to you and your organization
  • Significant: Large enough to make a difference in your life and workplace
  • Realistic: But not so large that it’s unattainable
  • “Others” Oriented: Because you get ahead by improving the condition of others

Be specific, too. You don’t want to generalize with a statement such as, “I’d like my boss to give me more responsibility.” That’s too imprecise. To increase your chances of persuasion success, specificity is crucial: “I want my boss to give me responsibility for the Latin American project.” 

Don’t say this: “I want my senior vice president to add some people to my staff.” Instead, say this: “I want my senior vice president to approve five key new hires for my department next quarter.” 

Stop reading right now and write down your persuasion priority. Who is the one person you want to do what?

Of course, at any given time, you’ll have multiple issues and objectives for which you seek agreement. But keeping your persuasion priority top of mind will significantly increase your chances of getting to “yes.” And if you’ve chosen your objective carefully, achieving it will have a dramatic and overwhelmingly positive impact on your career — and perhaps your life.

How Do You Know When People Trust You?

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Some people say you can’t see trust. I disagree.

How can you tell whether you’re making progress in your persuasion attempts with a particular person — especially in such critical areas as trust and credibility? Try consistently observing a particular person’s actions (or inactions).

Here are seven pieces of evidence of things unseen:

1. Your target volunteers information that is not requested.

He might say this: “You’ll also need this, which is a study done a year ago. Not many people are familiar with it, but it’s exactly what you’ll need.”

 If your target didn’t trust you, you’d never see that report.

2. Your target shares humor.

He might say this: “Just to show you how my day is going: I had a lunch meeting and went to the wrong restaurant. And I was the guy who made the reservation!”

A comment like that shows the target is willing to let down his guard with you.

3. Your target accepts pushback and contrary views.

She might say this: “I see your point. I hadn’t thought of the impact on our European operations. I’ll have to reconsider that.”

This means your target is willing to consider different perspectives. On the other hand, when someone says, “I’ll keep that in mind,” he’s blowing you off.

4. Your targets requests your advice.

She might say this: “What’s your take on the new sales promotion?”

If the target didn’t trust you or find you credible, she wouldn’t ask for your opinion.

5. Your target shares confidential details.

He might say this: “The news hasn’t been released yet, but the head of R&D has been selected.”

This target knows you can be trusted. Don’t prove him wrong.

6. Your target meets deadlines and respects financial limitations.

When someone comes in on time and under budget, that means he respects you. Remember, once is an event, twice might be coincidence but three times is a trend.

7. Your target engages in friendly follow up and continuous contact.

Trusted colleagues stay in touch. It’s as simple as that.

Look for these subtly-disguised hints, and you’ll know when you’re making persuasion progress and when you need to step up your game.

New Year’s Resolution: Convince Yourself to Make 2018 Your Best Year Ever

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Whether attempting to sell more motorcycles, pursuing a new managerial position or convincing your boss to give you a raise, we all talk to ourselves before we take action. Many psychologists have labeled this ongoing mental dialogue as “self‐talk.”

These internal comments impact thoughts, emotions, actions, and ultimately careers and life itself. The following quote, attributed to everyone from Mahatma Gandhi to Ralph Waldo Emerson to the president of a leading supermarket chain, illustrates this cause and effect:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

The point is made even more elegantly in one of my favorite books of all time, As a Man Thinketh, by philosopher James Allen, published just after the turn of the 20th century and reprinted many times. It may very well be the first “self‐help” book.

“Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself,” Allen wrote. “He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.”

What are you building? And how will your “self-talk” make 2018 your most successful year ever?

Why Test Drives Matter — Regardless of Your Industry

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Regardless of whether your offering is a product or a service — and whether you sell B2C or B2B — you should encourage your prospective buyer to take your solution for a test drive.

Now, if you’re selling a tangible item like a motorcycle, a car, a computer or a guitar, that’s a pretty basic proposition: Let your prospect give the product a try, and then answer any questions or amplify any interests.

This gets a little trickier with an intangible, but it can still be done using language to achieve a similar “experience.” For example, describe to your prospect using vivid language how his or her situation will improve with your product or service.

Test drives should be an integral piece of your sales process. A test drive accomplishes three things:

1. It helps your buyer begin to “see” himself owning your offering.

2. It maximizes and amplifies such emotional states as surprise, happiness, excitement and pride.

3. It conveys the perceived value of your solution.

No matter your industry, start thinking in terms of test drives, the impact they can have and the outcome they can achieve.

How to Filter Feedback

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Most people simply don’t receive feedback well, especially if it’s negative. We get defensive or don’t take any action at all. The key to receiving feedback is to filter feedback by determining and understanding what is meaningful and what isn’t. I make no claims at being an expert on this, but I can confidently state that I’ve gotten better at it over the years.

Consider creating the following feedback filters; the lower the number, the less credence you should give that feedback.

Feedback Filter 1: People you don’t know

I give feedback from this group little credence; many psychologists say the feedback people in this group provide really is meant for their benefit, not yours.

Feedback Filter 2: Coworkers

You work with them, and they may seem like friends. But, again, I rarely give much weight to feedback from co-workers. There are too many competitive pressures and workplace dynamics to create much value.

Feedback Filter 3: Family and friends

This is an important group. Although they don’t always see things through the same lens as you do, these people presumably (barring dysfunction) are the most important people in the world to you and have your best interests at heart.

Feedback Filter 4: Trusted advisors

Individuals you respect for their accomplishments, and who you truly believe have no agenda, are the ones who have your best interests at heart. This will be your most valuable group to cultivate and from which to seek feedback.

Regard feedback according to this scale, and you’ll have a better of idea what matters and what doesn’t.