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How Better Chemistry Leads to More Persuasion

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Chemistry. It’s a difficult term to define when referring to personal relationships. Often characterized as people having mutual attraction, rapport or an emotional bond, chemistry is a distinctly human trait — and it can significantly impact interpersonal interactions with your buyers.

You can ask about a hobby or a family member when conversing with your buyer. But how should you emotionally react to his or her response? Should you be sympathetic or empathetic? Should you be engrossed or merely interested? Should you be happy or ecstatic? Do you ask a follow-up question or move on?

Same thing with email correspondence. Does your customer reply to your emails at 2:25 a.m. because he suffers from chronic insomnia? Or does he reply consistently around 6 a.m., suggesting he’s an early riser who gets work done before helping the kids get ready for school?

How and why is this important to you?

Well, the insomniac could be prone to knee-jerk reactions as a result of sleep deprivation. So keep that in mind when persuading this individual. Buyers with small children may be less willing to take risks when considering your offers and subsequent solutions. They, instead, may seek stability and safe options.

Obviously, there’s a lot more at play in persuasion than taking note of these personality traits. But paying attention to the little details can help you be successful when negotiating the bigger ones.

Life is Like a Harley-Davidson Transmission

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Someday, I just need to take a long vacation to recharge.

When things slow down, I’m going to get that MBA.

I just need to make it past this busy period, and then I’m going to learn that new software program.

When we get through the fourth quarter, I’m going to start eating right and get in shape.

How many times have thoughts like those raced through your brain?

Enhancing your education, learning new skills, and taking good care of yourself are all actions that can provide you with the horsepower needed to propel you to a higher level of performance.

But I’ve got news for you: It’s never going to happen.

All of those good thoughts are never going to become reality if you continue waiting for the perfect time. Don’t get me wrong: It’s a fun fantasy, dreaming about uninterrupted time for you to hone, polish and work on all those self-improvement ideas. And it’s one I indulge in myself. But the only people who can really make those things happen seem to be the ones who take professional sabbaticals – something I’ve heard about, but I have never spoken to anyone outside of academia who has actually taken one.

Year ago, I experienced an epiphany: Life is like a Harley-Davidson transmission; it’s constant mesh. This is a mechanical term that describes when all of the gears are in constant engagement with one another. So, if you’re spending time dreaming about when you can actually unplug and carefully study and focus on the ideas that can launch you toward greater success, I’m here to suggest you need another plan. You’re going to have to focus while you’re currently engaged.

Here are four ways you can create change while surviving the “constant mesh” of your career and your life:

1. Embrace the concept of balance.

To successfully ride a motorcycle, you obviously must keep it upright. But there are other dynamics at play, such as centrifugal force, gyroscopic effects and – not unimportantly – a sense of balance in the rider. Compare riding a motorcycle to creating change in a busy career. How do you balance the constant demands placed on you? First, identify your highest two or three priorities. Not 57, but two or three. Then, be reasonable and balanced in your approach to meeting those priorities. Spend one hour a day reading material in your field, for example, and another hour listening to an informative audiobook or podcast. There’s no need to try to do everything all at once. Gradual change is good and even desired. Everyone probably can find 60 minutes each day to make this happen.

2. Realize that energy makes the difference.

Most successful sales professionals I know are well-organized with daily planners, to-do lists and a strong grasp of time management. Perhaps they don’t execute perfectly all the time, but they understand the importance of heading into a day, a workweek or a sales call with a solid plan. For them, that’s nothing more than standard operating procedure. They just need to channel the proper energy to get them through the required tasks. Think back to a customer-service problem in which you played no role but one that affected you, nonetheless. You know that sale you worked so hard to attain but then someone in the home office messed things up? Remember how getting upset and fuming about the circumstances did nothing to alleviate them? That was because you no doubt were channeling the wrong kind of energy. In times like that, you need calm, cool and intelligent problem-solving approaches that will enable you to rectify the situation at hand and create a process to help minimize the chances of it occurring again. Otherwise, you may cause irrevocable damage. Remember, you need to use the right kind of energy to accomplish the right tasks.

3. Forget about perfection.

Do you know anyone who figuratively uses a five-pound sledgehammer to drive a carpet tack? The sledgehammer gets the job done, but it takes more energy than using a tack hammer – and probably damages something in the process. Think about how much energy you are putting into a special project or an everyday task. One of the greatest energy drains is perfectionism. Take a tip from my friend and mentor, consultant Alan Weiss: “Go for success, not perfection.” The energy you spend trying to achieve perfection is usually wasted. The difference between 80 percent and 100 percent is often negligible, and not significant enough to be appreciated by your buyer. So, achieve success, and then use the remaining energy to work toward your other areas of development.

4. Harness the power of circadian rhythms.

The term “circadian rhythm” was coined by Dr. Franz Halberg of Germany in 1959. Loosely interpreted, it means to find what you do best (and when) and then use that information to maximize your performance.

Why Do You Need a Mentor?

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A mentor is a wise and trusted counselor or teacher. He or she can either be a formal, paid relationship or an informal, unpaid one. The critical component is finding someone who already has accomplished whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish.

This was made crystal-clear to me when participating in renowned consultant Alan Weiss’s mentor program. I asked him for guidance on a particular business matter and shared with him the guidance I received from someone else. He simply responded, “There are three of us having this conversation, and only one of us has done it.” Point made. I took his advice and never looked back.

Keep in mind that mentorship is not about having a coffee buddy or someone to commiserate with you. There may be some of that, of course, but coffee time should really constitute a fraction of one percent of the relationship. As Weiss often says: “If you want a friend, get a dog.” When I interact with Alan these days, I make sure it’s regarding a significant issue — one I’ve tried to work through on my own first. I go to him because I can’t get his kind of insight or perspective anywhere else.

Unfortunately, a regrettable lack of informal or formal mentoring happens in many organizations these days. But when you seek out and develop mentor relationships with the right people, you’ll rectify your skill discrepancies and shift to a higher gear almost immediately.

15 Ways to Punch Out Stress

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Psychologists report that stress, anxiety and tension reduce many people to operating at only half of their capabilities. Here are 15 tips to help ensure that you run at full capacity, all the time.

1. Be realistic about your own goals.

Don’t try to conquer the world in one day. A career is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t double your prospect list within 24 hours or convince everyone in the room that your way is best after a five-minute presentation. As the saying goes, the rewards don’t always go to the fastest runners, but to those who stay in the race.

2. Confront the fear of failure.

Everyone experiences fear of failure. But instead of expending valuable energy worrying about what will go wrong, put that extra energy into planning and preparing for what can go right. The best sales professionals experience failure regularly, but that means they are trying new things and constantly expanding their skill sets. So go ahead and try that new prospect or persuasion approach. If it works, great! If not, no big deal. Move on.

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

If there is a misunderstanding between you and someone at work, talk it out. Don’t let something simple overwhelm your thoughts or activities. As soon as possible, pick up the phone, or go see that person, and explain your position. Somebody once told me, “If you have to go ugly, go ugly early.” In other words, communicate your position as soon as possible. This allows you time to solve the problem, and then concentrate on the business of getting more people to say, “Yes.”

4. Don’t become a victim of unrealistic demands.

People sometimes make requests that are impossible to fulfill: “We have no money, but we’d like to take you up on your offer.” You’re a sales professional, not a professional magician. If you think someone is making an unrealistic demand, take a few minutes to examine the request more closely. Sometimes the “impossible” really is possible, so do not use “unrealistic demands” as an easy way out. If, however, the demands truly are unrealistic, explain your position to the prospect. If he bolts, that’s OK. You weren’t going to be able to help him, anyway.

5. Get more rest.

Adults average 6.9 hours of sleep a night, even though many experts contend they need between seven and nine hours. The resulting sleep deprivation results in reduced productivity at work, irritability, diminished driving capacity and a variety of health problems.

6. Get to work early.

Employees who arrive early have a few spare minutes to better prepare for the day. Be one of them, and take that time to organize a daily “to-do” list or wrap up any loose ends from the previous day; you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel when you can get a jump on the day.

7. Get in shape.

Being in good physical condition leads to more energy – thanks to improved blood flow to muscles and the brain, faster muscle recovery and better use of oxygen. How do you determine if you are in good condition? Many experts consider the best indicator of health to be your resting heart rate. Physicians rank heart rate as the most important vital sign when evaluating patients. Most people have a resting heart rate between 70 and 90 beats per minute. A physically fit person will have a resting heart rate around 50 beats per minute. Scientific studies show a direct correlation between physical exercise and mental well-being, proving that aerobic exercise such as walking, running and bicycling for 30 minutes three times a week actually works.

8. Eat right.

Nutrition plays a major role in a person’s ability to handle stress. Eating the right foods at the right time gives you more energy and the ability to accomplish more. So, forget about that greasy fast-food burger; pack your lunch. It’ll save you calories and dollars. Or better yet, take a qualified buyer out to lunch, and enjoy salmon and a salad. Get healthy while building relationships.

9. Cut back on the caffeine.

Caffeine does not give you energy; it stimulates your nervous system and adrenals. That’s not energy; that’s stress. It’s been reported that a single 250-milligram dose of caffeine (about 2.5 six-ounce cups of coffee) can increase levels of the stress hormone epinephrine (adrenaline) by more than 200 percent. Be reasonable with your caffeine consumption, and understand that it isn’t a source of “real” energy.

10. Lose the smokes.

If reviewing the results of a Google image search of “smokers’ lungs” won’t make you stop smoking, perhaps the fact that cigarettes contain an estimated 4,000 known toxins with several known carcinogens will. Cigarette smoking also contributes to severe vitamin deficiencies and reduces your body’s ability to oxygenate. How do you quit? Try interval sprinting every other day, which should at least make you think twice before lighting up.

11. Spend time on yourself.

Go for a brisk walk early in the morning, or take the long way home in the evening. Everybody needs quiet time to recharge their mental batteries.

12. Get input from others.

Talking to friends, family members and coworkers about situations that cause stress can provide a different perspective. (Be sure to avoid whining to these people.) Constructive conversation can be a great tool for relieving stress. Often, it’s that sense of community and companionship that can see you through tough situations.

13. Use positive mental affirmations.

Much research has been conducted on the rejuvenating powers of the mind. Psychologists claim that most of our “self talk” is negative, which creates a defeatist attitude and low energy. When you feel your energy starting to ebb, and you’re focusing on how tired you are, try passing a powerful, energizing thought through your head. For the spiritually inclined, I like Isaiah 40:31KJV (go ahead, look it up). For something more secular, try the affirmation made famous by late-19th century French psychotherapist Émile Coué: “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” I use both. A lot.

14. Understand control and influence.

I was taught long ago that successful people spend the majority of their time on what they can control, some time on what they can influence and precious little time on what they can’t control or influence. Instead of agonizing over the possibility of failure, use your resources to think of ways to get more projects in the pipeline or generate ideas to intensify the desire of your hot prospects. One huge contributor to being overwhelmed is feeling like you have no control. So work on what you can control, and don’t worry about the rest. Not always easy to do, but well worth it.

15. Have high-quality options.

That’s great advice. For whatever reason, the times in my life when I’ve succumbed to stress and behaved in ways I wish I hadn’t typically occurred because I felt I didn’t have options. So, build your skills, have financial reserves, establish scores of terrific professional partnerships, and you will always find that you have options.

Four More Ways to Bounce Back After Hearing ‘No’

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In a previous post, I wrote about four ideas to help you recover from hearing “no.”  I will now present four more ways to bounce back from rejection.

Here we go:

1. Perform a self-assessment.

Heed your own counsel. Is this the first rejection you’ve received regarding your pitch? Or have you been turned down several times making the same pitch? Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern. Is a pattern emerging?

2. Immediately do something you’re skilled at doing.

Whether it’s writing a memo, coaching a coworker or giving a talk, go do something in which you know you’ll be successful. This success-immediately-after-defeat strategy is a great way to reinstate positive feelings and get them working again in your brain. Even if it’s a small victory, it’s still a victory.

3. Forget about perfection.

Rather, focus on success direction. Set parameters of success, not “either/or” outcomes. Think about your results as the volume nob on an amplifier instead of the “on/off” switch. You turned in a great project and your boss called it “solid” but not “stupendous”? Don’t worry about it. Who uses the word “stupendous,” anyway?

4. Evaluate your entire body of work.

Hank Aaron had a lifetime batting average of .305; Joe DiMaggio, .325; Ty Cobb, .366; Lou Gehrig, .340; Babe Ruth, .342. Those guys failed approximately seven times out of every ten trips to the plate. Not only are they in the Baseball Hall of Fame today, their names are woven into the fabric of our language. If, when is all said and done, people refer to you as the Joe DiMaggio of new products, or the Hank Aaron of project management, or the Babe Ruth of marketing — well, you’d be in some pretty sweet company. Focus on your whole career, not one or two errors in the field.

The next time you hear “no,” don’t be so hard on yourself and make the necessary strides toward getting to “yes” next time.

How to Bounce Back from Hearing ‘No’

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You’ve worked hard to hone your pitch, state your case and present your ask. And then someone says “no.”

What now?

Here are four ideas to help you bounce back:

1. Move on to what’s next.

My favorite TV series was the seemingly timeless political epic The West Wing. In it, Martin Sheen played the role of President Josiah “Jed” Bartlet. It  captured a fairly accurate portrayal of life in The White House. President Bartlet — whether triumphant in victory or suffering a crushing setback — always responded in the same manner: “What’s next?” That’s a brilliant example of how to handle any situation. Activate the next issue on your own agenda, and don’t deliberate over defeat. Autopsies are for medical examiners, not managers.

2. Realize that you’re not the problem.

In his groundbreaking work, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, Ph.D. Martin Seligman wrote what should be required reading for every persuasion professional. He initially concentrated on the habits of explanation, or how people explain what most frequently happens to them. Those who were pessimistic (and less resilient) when facing setbacks would blame themselves: “I’m the reason this sale failed.” Optimists, on the other hand, (predisposed to being resilient) would blame the circumstances and then move on to the next challenge: “The buyer was in a bad mood, and there’s nothing I can do about that.”

Seligman notes that optimism won’t change what a salesperson says to the prospective buyer; rather, it will change what the salesperson says to himself after a negative exchange. Instead of telling himself, “I’m no good,” he might rationalize that “the client was too busy to fully consider my offer.” That particular target chose not to agree to your course of action at that particular time. That’s it. There is no connection to your worth as a person or the validity of your viewpoint.

3. Understand the external locus of learning.

For people who claim they already know what they need to know, a setback can be devastating. If, on the other hand, people believe their locus of learning is internal, they can shrug off the setback and tell themselves, I’ll have to get some coaching or read up on how to improve my presentation skills, so next time I’ll experience a better result. The world always seems a little brighter for these people, because they have more arrows in their quiver. You can always learn more about the subject, the target and/or the process of persuasion.

4. Ignore unsolicited feedback.

Alan Weiss, author of Million Dollar Consulting: The Professional’s Guide to Growing a Practice, tells the memorable story of how — following a rousing talk to a capacity crowd that gave him a standing ovation — a speech coach approached him and asked if she could provide some feedback. “Is there anything on the planet that might stop you?” Weiss wisecracked in his own inimitable way. She proceeded to tell him that she couldn’t concentrate on his message, because he always moved around on stage, and that he should stand still to make a point. My point: Pay no attention to suggestions of your so-called “supporters” — especially if they tell you that you should have tried harder or danced on the ceiling. Instead, seek out constructive feedback from credible individuals you trust.

Next time, I’ll explore four more ways to bounce back after hearing “no.”

How to Respond to All Those ‘Can We’ Questions

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Often buyers (and other persuasion targets) will ask if they can do something out of the ordinary, some sort of customization to the sale. In the motorcycle business, one common question customers ask is, “Can we …”

Can we make it louder?
Can we make it faster?
Can we make it lower?
Can we make it shinier?
Can we make it …

Sometimes a buyers even asks all of those questions.

In other jobs, you might hear things like this:

Can we create our own color schemes?
Can we set our own fee thresholds?
Can we accelerate the timeline?
Can we not and say we did? (I’m kidding.)

Far too often in the act of persuasion, people get side-tracked on some customizing-research adventure before they’ve even closed in on the primary decision: Are we going to work together? Do we have a project? Do we have a deal?

If you allow your target to derail that primary decision, you will end up increasing the amount of effort expended and in all likelihood reduce the possibility of actually reaching a worthwhile decision.

When your target asks one of those “can we” questions, be ready with an effective and compelling response. As long as you believe the request is within the scope of possibility, one of my favorites responses goes like this:

If you can devise it, we can do it. We believe we have the best talent and most capable resources in the business. We can make just about anything a reality. Here’s what I suggest we do.

First, let’s pick the approach that’s right for you. Then once we get the basic agreement worked out, I’ll introduce you to our people and we’ll get busy.

Now, tell me more about …

Note that this reply assures the buyer you will be able to help, and that you’ve got the staff and resources to do so. Then, a transition statement takes you back to the primary decision that needs to be made.

This response helps you stay in control and not get sidetracked by all sorts of questions about customization.

What Do Playing Basketball and Persuading Others Have in Common?

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The NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament begins this week. Teams play all season for the opportunity to compete in what is arguably sport’s most exciting event, and the ones that are “hot,” or “in the zone,” or “firing on all cylinders” usually perform the best.

Claremont Graduate University’s Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Management Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced MEE-hye CHEEK-sent- mə-HYE-ee) calls this progression the “state of flow.”

In his groundbreaking 1990 book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Csikszentmihalyi described “flow” as “the process of total involvement with life.” Later, in a 1996 interview with Wired magazine, he defined “flow” as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”

Unwittingly, Csikszentmihalyi also was describing peak performance, which occurs when you perform almost effortlessly at an incredibly high ability in challenging situations. Like the athlete who makes the winning free throw with 1.2 seconds remaining, the salesperson who performs gracefully and comfortably in challenging and complex selling situations, or the marketing manager who convinces a roomful of opinionated people that his way is best.

Think about it.

Six Ways to Strengthen Your Pitch

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Not every persuasion attempt you make will be successful. But here are six ways to strengthen your chances by adding muscle to your pitch:

1. Drop your “er.”

Watch out for the language tic that uses the comparative “er” when referring to new products, services or ideas – as in “better,” “nicer” or “sleeker” than another product or service you sell, or an “easier,” “stronger” or “sexier” idea than someone else’s.

2. Work your way though unreasonable demands.

Sometimes (although, thankfully, not as often as most salespeople fear), buyers’ positions will become intractable: “If you don’t give me a 50 percent price reduction, I’m going to your competitor!” One of my favorite phrases to use in these situations is “unreasonable demands” – as in, “I’m sorry, but you are really making unreasonable demands.” Most people don’t want to have their motives or actions characterized in that manner, so when you have to, do so.

3. Ask for help.

When you’re looking for clarification, don’t be afraid to ask. For example, when you’re trying to isolate an objection, say something like, “Help me understand why you feel that way.” It’s a great step toward easily transitioning to the next part of the persuasion process.

4. Be careful about how you acknowledge the point.

I chuckle when a salesperson responds to an objection with an honest “Actually, you make a good point” – as if the customer was able to somehow come up with something smart and relevant to say. Avoid it, and acknowledge the point without faux flattery.

5. Don’t settle for little solutions.

No one wants a “little” solution. They want a powerful solution, a unique solution, a significant solution. Don’t belittle your own contribution.

6. Don’t accept “no” for an answer.

When someone delivers a flat-out “no,” ask very politely if, were you to tell him something he has yet to consider, he would be willing to change his mind. If the answer is “yes,” that “no” just got upgraded to a “maybe.” And then …

Risk and Persuasion: What You Need to Know

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While you may not be familiar with the term “chiasmus” [kahy-az-muhs], chances are you’ve encountered it. One of the most famous came from John F. Kennedy: “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

Chiasmus is a verbal pattern in which the second half of a phrase is balanced against the first, with key elements being reversed. Other renowned chiasmi? “I am stuck on Band Aid® brand ’cause Band Aid’s stuck on me!” and “Live to ride / Ride to live.”

Think about these types of reversals to make your points:

  • Do you want your money in the bank or the bank in your money?
  • It’s one thing to have the insurance and not need it, but quite another to need insurance and not have it.
  • Do we want to face the competition now or have the competition in our face later?

Even “The Golden Rule” is based on a chiasmus: Treat others as you would like them to treat you.

One powerful persuasion tool is to heighten the sense of risk with your target, then leverage something known as anticipated regret and provide your recommendation about how to proceed.

My favorite way of raising risk is with a chiasmus: “It’s one thing to have the insurance and not need it. It’s a completely different situation to need it and not have it.” That’s an interesting notion.

Attach that with something called “anticipated regret,” and now you’re getting somewhere. This is when you ask your target to consider the angst he would feel if he didn’t follow your advice and made a bad decision as a result. Researchers have proven that people are much more inclined to take your advice if they first considered what might happen if they didn’t: “How badly would you feel if, after we had this conversation, you found yourself in a situation where you were exposed.”

Then take your flashlight and lead that person through the darkness by offering an expert recommendation: “So here’s what I’m going to suggest: Get the insurance. Then if you need it, you’re covered.”

This week, try using a chaismus to get your way. Share your experience in the comments section below.